The Fontia!, d20 Setting, Part The First

Fontia, d20 - A literary excursion into the world of the etymologically absurd

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1. A preamble

Fontia, d20, is Jason's third homebrew setting, behind Shin Maseiki Tokyo and War of the Roses. It's a tongue-in-cheek, typography inspired setting, a land filled with kingdoms named for the shape and flavor of the fonts so commonly seen in word processing programs and populated by people with the characteristics of such, from the slightly loopy, but well meaning citizens of the Holy Empire of Garamond, to the bold and narrow utilitarians of Upper and Lower Arial.

The premise of the Fontia campaign is a simple one. It's all about having fun, and doing it in silly and creative ways. And the more often you break the fourth wall, the better.

Most Fontia adventures are casual dungeon delving enterprise, though there's often more to the game then meets the eye. As they say in most mystery stories, and especially in a world so heavily inebriated with text as Fontia, the plot often 'thickens'.

2. Yea Pertinent Setting Info

a. Let us begin with a treatise on the nature of Fontia, it's Gods, and its diverse workings.

Simply put,

"In the beginning, there was the Word. It was probably something along the lines of "Oops!" or "****!" or, quite possibly, "Pantsdamnit!", but it was the Word, regardless. It was followed, shortly thereafter, by Schrodinger's Cat, Dogs Playing Poker, and the Gods, who sent the dogs scurrying with a rolled up copy of the Times."

Who, then, were these Gods, these inscrutable, impossible, and quite possibly irresponsible beings? Let's start with a bit of enumeration.

i. TIMES NEW ROMAN [LAWFUL GOOD]

Times New Roman, the Bold, Italicized and Underlined is the canonical deity of the Holy Empire of Garamond and patron of The Mostly Holy Knights of said. One might consider him a deity in three distinct parts, governing the domains of War, Law, and Healing respectively, while the clerics of The Mostly Holy Knights are also capable of invoking this tripartite god's Sunny disposition.

Since Times New Roman is a goodly god with an overblown sense of justification, who kerns well the goodly and noble acts of his followers, most of his worshippers are typically do-gooders of the meddling and annoying variety.

His favored weapons are the sword and warhammer, and his holy symbol is an upright T like so.

ii. WINGDINGS [CHAOTIC GOOD]

Best known as HE WHO SYMBOLIZES STUFF, Wingdings is the patron god of the Dwarves and those of warlike persuasion, including, but not amounting to, pot helmeted and hot headed warriors. He is the god of expletives (Wingdings be praised, be damned, etc), of signs, portents and gestures (lewd, rude, or otherwise).

Wingdings holds sway over the Earth, grants Protection to his followers, and imbues those who invoke his name with Strength in War. Wingdings blesses contests of arms, and appreciates a good fight, and his priests preach thusly.

His favored weapons are the mace and battle axe, and his holy symbol is a slate engraved with pictographs

iii. YEA DIVINE TYPESETTER [LAWFUL NEUTRAL]

The enigmatic god of printing presses, texts, and innovation, Yea Divine Typesetter is worshipped by Gnomes and those in the more linguistic line of work. His word is considered sacred, widespread and self replicating, and bards their power over plot and narrative to him.

Edessans worship an aspect of Yea Divine Typesetter, especially where it pertains to fine print, hocus pocus, and the use thereof, while the Prognosticators of Maiandra cast divinations upon bones blessed by his hand.

Yea Divine Typesetter's domains are Knowledge, Luck, Magic, Travel.

His favored weapon is the dagger, and his holy symbol is a quill with alternating black and white feathers.

iv. TYPO [NEUTRAL EVIL]

A dark entity worshipped in Arial and parts of Maiandra. Typo is the god (or goddess) of Upper and Lower Arial, and the chief promoter of misinformation, subterfuge, illiteracy, erroneous spelling, and the promulgation of propoganda. Typo teaches that there is power in miscommunication, and encourages his (or her) worshippers to seize upon such an advantage.

No one knows Typo's true face or identity, for the rumors surrounding this fell deity are many. It has been claimed, most recently, that Typo is a dog, with fluffy, bread colored fur and a grey coat. Naturally, nobody can confirm, nor deny these rumors.

Typo sows Chaos, Destruction, Fire and Trickery wherever his (or her) priests roam, confounding the masses with their 1337speak, and all worshippers of Typo are expected to learn and speak this pidgin tongue.

Typo is diametrically opposed to Times New Roman, and both the Prognosticators of Typo and the Mostly Holy Knights have a longstanding rivalry.

Typo's favored weapon is the flail, and his holy symbol is an inverted T, struck through with a dash in the center.

v. THE STACKS [NEUTRAL GOOD]

A pantheon of small gods that sustain and nourish Fontia, The Stacks have no discernible gender or characteristics, instead manifesting themselves in all things that form the basis of the written word, in the bark of trees, in the skins of goats, in ink, and in parchment.

Worship of The Stacks stems from cultural practice, and is especially regular amongst the elves, who are more in tune with nature. The Stacks are especially populous in Batang Che, one of Fontia's few remaining realms still unspoiled by mortal hands.

The Stacks govern the domains of Air, Animal, Nature and Plant.

Their favored weapon is the unarmed strike, and their holy symbol is a circle of leaves, crossed with a spring of mistletoe.

vi. BUD WISER [CHAOTIC NEUTRAL]

The god of harvests, good food, good drink, and good weed. Bud Wiser was an aspect of The Stacks elevated to godhood by the worship of clannish treehuggers and animal lovers in Batang Che's backwater holdings.

These salubrious, oft intoxicated individuals (called 'hippies') travel the land, spreading Bud Wiser's message of love and peace, extending his bounty of alcoholic and soporific substances to all who turn to his worship. Bud Wiser's portfolio include Nature, Plant, Travel and Water.

Bud Wiser's favored weapon is the quarterstaff, and his holy symbol is a pipe adorned with holly berries.

A cleric in Fontia may worship any of the abovementioned Gods, gaining access to the domains listed in said God's entry. Additionally, a Good or Evil cleric may choose either the Good or Evil domain instead of one of the domains listed above. Clearly, their alignment must correspond to the chosen Domain.

b. The Kingdoms of Fontia

Now, a brief look at the kingdoms of Fontia, the nationalities therein, and their national colors.

i. The Holy Empire of Garamond - Ruled by King Garamond the Next, Garamond is a largely good, well appointed, and well-kerned nation sitting right smack in the center of civilization. Garamond's capital San-Serif rests on a sliver of rock in the center of a large lake, and its other holdings dot its shores. It makes the bulk of its income from trade and bossing others around, and its Holy Knights have made it a relatively strong military power. It is a cosmopolitan nation, and peoples from any and all nationalities might be found here.

ii. The Archduchy of Arial - Arial is the second largest country in Fontia, and a longstanding rival of Garamond. Arial's citizens are largely Human and Half-Orcish. It has mastered perpetual energy, and possesses a superior air fleet. Arial forms the quintessential Steampunk power in any typical Anime style setting. Arial's presidency is held by a powerdressing, high-heels toting Archduchess named Ming Liu.

iii. The Baronet of Batang Che - A relatively forested region, full of pansy Elves and eco-friendly treehuggers. Batang Che is primarily agricultural, and boasts logging and pharmaceutical industries. While there are regular protests, it remains one of the biggest exporters of paper in Fontia. While Batang Che is considered third world by most standards, it grows good weed. Gulim, the Baron of Batang Che, is known to be a staunch supporter of hippie rituals and witchcraft.

iv. The Coronet of Colonna - Colonna is a strong sea power, with a fleet that puts the East India Trading Company to shame. It's citizens are primarily human, and its industries include fishing, piracy, freight and trade. It boasts Victorian era technology. Colonna has a rather unpleasant reputation. Tales abound of sea monster and alien worship, flashing, spinning lights, crop circles, and much probing. Count Comic of Colonna has attempted to quash these rumors, to no avail.

v. The Empire of Edessa - Edessa is fairly cosmopolitan, though humans remain the majority. It is a society that thrives rather heavily on magic and despises technology. Alchemy is a common practice, and magic replaces the bulk of technological advancements. Citizens of Edessa enjoy speaking oddly in annoying rhyme and playing word games as a pastime. Estrangelo, the Emperor of Edessa, is considered Fontia's greatest poet.

vi. The Freehold of Forte - The Freehold of Forte is a primarily Dwarven and Gnomish kingdom, with mining as its major industry. It also hires out its services in architecture and the processing of resources. Forte is one of the most heavily industrialized nations in Fontia, with technology resembling closely that of Industrial Revolution London. It manufactures technological weapons, innovations, printing presses, and other such curiosities. Forte is a democracy and governed by Senate, a rather forward looking kind of view considering the stubbornness of Dwarves and their tendency to hit things about the head with axes.

vii. The Helvetica Highlands - An area clad in perpetual snows, filled with ruddy cheeked Dwarves and Halflings who favor vodka. In addition to doing a brisk tourist trade, Helvetica also export liquors, furs and desserts such as chocolate. This country is primarily industrial in nature, and automates much of their processes. Helvetica is ruled by a business conglomerate, attesting to the power of mega corporations in the modern world economy.

viii. The Marque of Maiandra - A small border province, Maiandra is primitive by most standards, having missed out on the Industrial revolution. It remains pretty much a country of knights and castles stuck with middle ages technology, rife with superstition and magic. Elves and humans live here. Maiandra is famed for its swordsmen and swords, the stupidity of its folk, their tendencies to go 'hurhurhur' instead of laughing in a normal way, and their curiously Alan Rickman-esque ruler, Marshall Martlett.